Mercy

Last night my kids were not good. They were disobedient. And what bothered me most, they were indifferent to their violation of the Nate Code. They could not have cared less about the repercussions of their disobedience.

Today, my heart does not want to forget. I do not want to let bygones be bygones. Part of me wants to go home this afternoon and remind them of how bad they were last night and the punishment that was leveled against them so that they will obey this evening. My self-righteous heart is keeping score and wants to make them feel again the burn of punishment, to feel my holy wrath (yeah, right), to respect me and my wishes by doing what I ask when I ask.

Then the Spirit challenges me to consider God’s mercy. Does God’s mercy keep score? Does he keep a record of wrongs and bring them back up again and again so that I feel bad about it? Does he shame me with the sins of my past (which we will surely not get into here) so that I will behave better today? Yet, a little bit of me wants to do that so the kids behave (read: “so the kids do what I want, what’s convenient for me”). God does not treat us as our sins deserve, he separates us from our sin as far as the east is from the west, if we confess our sin he is faithful and just to forgive.

Yet my stubborn sinful heart does not want to be merciful to my own children. Yet I love them so much. I desire to show them mercy, yes, but sometimes I would rather have control over them. Sometimes I want to assert my [weak] authority instead of serve them in love, teaching them mercy–showing them mercy. Once again the sin of my children sharply reminds me of my sin. Thanks be to God, what a grace, that he would show me my sin and reveal to me his grace in Christ alone.

When I arrive home this evening I must not call to mind again their sin and punishment from last night, using sins of the past to force them into obedience. I will show them mercy. I will show them love. By God’s grace.

~ by Nate on January 13, 2009.