Pre-Release

Mercy

Last night my kids were not good. They were disobedient. And what bothered me most, they were indifferent to their violation of the Nate Code. They could not have cared less about the repercussions of their disobedience.

Today, my heart does not want to forget. I do not want to let bygones be bygones. Part of me wants to go home this afternoon and remind them of how bad they were last night and the punishment that was leveled against them so that they will obey this evening. My self-righteous heart is keeping score and wants to make them feel again the burn of punishment, to feel my holy wrath (yeah, right), to respect me and my wishes by doing what I ask when I ask.

Then the Spirit challenges me to consider God’s mercy. Does God’s mercy keep score? Does he keep a record of wrongs and bring them back up again and again so that I feel bad about it? Does he shame me with the sins of my past (which we will surely not get into here) so that I will behave better today? Yet, a little bit of me wants to do that so the kids behave (read: “so the kids do what I want, what’s convenient for me”). God does not treat us as our sins deserve, he separates us from our sin as far as the east is from the west, if we confess our sin he is faithful and just to forgive.

Yet my stubborn sinful heart does not want to be merciful to my own children. Yet I love them so much. I desire to show them mercy, yes, but sometimes I would rather have control over them. Sometimes I want to assert my [weak] authority instead of serve them in love, teaching them mercy–showing them mercy. Once again the sin of my children sharply reminds me of my sin. Thanks be to God, what a grace, that he would show me my sin and reveal to me his grace in Christ alone.

When I arrive home this evening I must not call to mind again their sin and punishment from last night, using sins of the past to force them into obedience. I will show them mercy. I will show them love. By God’s grace.

New U2 Album

No Line On The Horizon, the new studio album from U2, will be released on Monday 2nd March 2009.

Written and recorded in various locations, No Line On The Horizon is the group’s 12th studio album and is their first release since the 9 million selling album How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb, released in late 2004.

Sessions for No Line On The Horizon began last year in Fez, Morocco, continued in the band’s own studio in Dublin, before moving to New York’s Platinum Sound Recording Studios, and finally being completed at Olympic Studios in London.

The album calls on the production talents of long-time collaborators Brian Eno and Danny Lanois, with additional production by Steve Lillywhite.

More: here and here

An Approaching Retreat

Soul Care

A friend and I are working through a few books by Mindy Caliguire, materials from IVP’s SoulCare Resources. The first book, “Discovering Soul Care” is a bit of a review of the material I had at Wheaton College in my Care of Souls class with Lyle Dorsett. I miss the class and I have missed attending to these areas in my life.

Mindy’s perspective (and I think that she is right) is that all of us is alive: body, mind and soul (or spirit). Our soul is alive and needs nourishing just as our brain, muscles, and organs; they all need proper care and provision of nutrients. Just as we protect our body from the cold, or the heat, or from too much sun, we must also protect our soul from damage. As believers, one of our attentions should be on the condition of our soul. We attend to our home, our cars, our employment, our children and spouses if we have them. Likewise, we must also tend to the needs of our soul.

One of the earliest questions in this book is essentially, “What is the condition of your soul?” and soon after, “What are the symptoms of a healthy soul, or a neglected soul?” These were two good questions to help me process the sinful responses to others in my life, and to the lies that Satan uses to deceive.

For me, when my soul is malnourished, when it is unhealthy, the symptoms that arise are: shame, anger, sexual lust, feelings of despair, and insecurity. When my soul is not being nourished with solitude and silence, with prayer and scripture, with the sweet words of God’s truth from my community, my life begins to reflect these symptoms. I doubt the truths that are in scripture, that are mine because of the work of Christ. I doubt his love for me, his provision for me, and as I stated in the last post, I doubt the forgiveness that is mine in Jesus.

So, as I embark on another expedition to explore my soul with the Holy Spirit, I ask for your prayer. Prayer for God’s peace and assurance, his presence in my life, his grace, sensitivity to the sin in my heart and in my actions, to see how the Lord might shape me more in the likeness of Jesus; and that as Mindy says, “that my level of understanding of truth is equal to my level of surrender”.

His Authority to Forgive

I will be preaching on Mark 2:1-12 in a couple of weeks, during the Festival of the Associate Pastor, the Sunday following Christmas. I’m okay with that. In some ways it is a difficult week to preach since it follows the holiday buzz, many are traveling, the regulars are here with family, the Sunday AM schedule is all messed up, and so on and so forth. But, I decided a while ago to preach the text since I had recently done prep in this area, and it is a busy season, and it sort of fits with the thought flow of Christmas.

I am enjoying getting back into that text, revisiting some of the things that I thought about months ago, and how since then I have changed spiritually. It has been awesome for me to hear again the good news of the gospel for me.

I sometimes struggle with really knowing the forgiveness that is mine in Christ, that he has the authority to forgive me. I struggle to believe 1 John 1:9, “that if I confess my sins he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” I sometimes believe that that forgiveness is not full, or true, or complete. I discount the cross when I don’t believe that it reaches ALL my sin, I discount the power of God when I think the forgiveness is only partial, I discount his love for me and his grace toward me when I don’t believe that it is true.

Mark 2:1-11 reminds me of the truth that he does in fact have the authority to forgive, so does Psalm 51:1-12; 55:1-8; 103:1-14 and so many more passages. God does not ask permission, he is the end all, it is his word his promises. That is such good news to my perfectionist, failed, broken, and doubting heart.

Well, more to come later I am sure.

Lindsey’s Smile

Family Time

Been a good day today, spending time with all the girls.

Amy helped me make the pancakes today and we even got mom to try them! I think we might have convinced her to join the pancake crew on Saturday mornings. All day we’ve been lounging around, spending time wrestling and cuddling on the couch. Natalie is better, Amy is as crazy and as affectionate as ever when it comes to Lindsey, Lindsey has been near perfect, resting, eating, and just being cute.

Necessity of Community

Experiences the past two days have reminded me again the necessity of community. Understood that community can be defined with a number of terms, phrases, expectations, etc. However one might define community with a set of words, we all must agree to its necessity.

I was in the city Wednesday with some men from the presbytery and with a new found friend from World Harvest. The conversation floated around ministry and our investment as pastors in the lives of our congregants. We talked about Sonship, gospel-centered living and ministry, curriculum, and other stuff. Then the  conversation got personal and our lunch host challenged us, “Who are the men in your life that know you, that ask you hard questions, that pray for you, that minister to you?” He talked about men with whom he made a covenant to meet and pray for, for ten years. He and other men agreed to meet and minister to one another for ten years, trekking to a retreat in Canada to recharge, refuel and remind each other of the gospel.

As the sharing went on, we were reminded of the moral failures within our community, the ministry burnout, the jaded hearts of men in vocational ministry. I was in that dialog reminded of why I need men in my life to know me and to pray for me. I was reminded why I meet my friend and co-laborer for coffee each Friday, why I go ice climbing with my brothers every winter, and why pint-nights are essential to my health and growth not just as a man, but as a husband, father, coach, friend, and pastor.

In reading Nouwen’s book, Advent and Christmas, I am reminded in today’s reading (Day 6) to be in community. Sadly, I have been out of true community for a while. My life has gotten busy, my world has changed, other men in my world are strained and beaten, … what better time to be part of a mens’ community? It is NOW, that I need men that can hear my desperation, my sin, my heart for the gospel, the joy and love that I have for my wife, and my ever need for Jesus.

We must create community: we must talk about it, we must foster it, cultivate it, seek it, offer it to others, and confront all enemies that challenge it.

We’re Home!

We are home finally, spent the night here last night, felt like we were on a weird vacation. As we brought our stuff into the hospital, Kara was schlepping the laptop, her purse, and a 9 lb baby down the hall. I could not help but feel like others might judge me a little for making a pregnant woman (entering the labor and delivery area) carry ANYTHING at all! She was a sport, and as I said in previous notes, a rock star all week.

So now we enter into the new rhythm of life. We’ve been on hiatus from normalcy for some time, now it is time to find and establish our new normal. What will life be like with 5 of us? How will the girls help? What new chores will they need to help out around the house and with Lindsey. What will Lindsey’s personality be like? We enter into a fun stage in my mind (despite the issues of feeding, crying, lack of sleep, etc.) I am genuinely looking forward to this new adventure.

God has given me the grace already that I need to be a father of three girls. Learning patience, care, affection and discipline has been difficult for me in the past. I feel just now that I am understanding more of what it might require of me to care for all my women well. I am learning again the joy of serving Kara, ministering to her, alleviating her of tasks or worries that allow her to come alive as a mother. I am so thankful for her, for our three precious daughters, and look forward to the coming years.